Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Proverbs 31:30

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Friday, August 10, 2012

Purity Redeemed

So today I have something very close to my heart to share with you.  I was reading today’s Proverb at #SheLovesTruth and I couldn’t help but tear up.  Today’s reading was Proverbs 5 and it is a warning against adultery.  So many people are affected by adultery every single day and it isn’t even strictly the physical affairs.  It’s emotional adultery, adultery on our future spouses and adultery on GOD.  The subject of adultery stings me EVERY time the topic comes up.
Starting in high school I felt the pain and regret brought on by adultery.  I went into jr. high and high school sporting everything True Love Waits that I could get my hands on.  I wanted to be spotless when I married my future husband and I was CONSUMED by the thought of that person.  I made it a point to stay away from sex up until my senior year (not saying that I didn’t dance on the “line” because I did).  Then 1 night during right before Spring Break my senior year my life suddenly changed and I couldn’t have stopped it.  I was DESTROYED.  My virginity, that I held so precious, was STOLEN by someone that I considered a friend.  That event sent me on a spiral down and it happened very quickly.  Because I was no longer “pure” I thought nothing mattered anymore and that no guy would ever want me after that.  I thought God didn’t want me either.  For 9 years after that I lived with the mindset that I was worthless because I was raped.  I continued to seek after the 1 guy that would just love me for me.  I was so broken that I compromised and compromised and compromised.  I became numb to sex to the point that sex was a given in the relationships that I was in.  I ran from God but went through the motions of “good little church girl” to please my family.  I didn’t see that the whole time that I was living in this life of adultery on my future spouse and on GOD that God was still right there protecting me like he always had.
This past January I had enough of this life and I decided to start counseling…I had to do SOMETHING…I had to FIX this.  I started counseling and I told my best friend that I just needed a “fresh start” that maybe that would fix things but I still felt like God didn’t want me anymore.  She told me I needed to consider changing churches and really start over.  She invited me to her church and the moment I walked in the door I felt God again.  I felt like he was saying “Tiffany, stop running and just come home. I don’t care what you have done just come back to me and let me LOVE you because I DO want you” To say that service was the launching pad would be an understatement.  The Sunday that I went the worship team introduced a new song written by one of the team members called “Place of Freedom” and OH MY GOODNESS that song broke me completely.  I remember hearing this phrase “I’m gonna sing my song like I am UNASHAMED I’ve come to worship I‘ve come to worship” and completely losing it.  I think all the pain, regret, shame, guilt, etc came flooding out all at once.  I remember having my hands raised but it taking all the energy in my body to stay standing up.  I left the service wanting more.  I left my church the next week and started going with my friend.  I joined a small group the next month(or so) and I know God let me pick the one I went to because IT CHANGED MY LIFE.  The leader felt like God had called her to do the group at the time she did it and that He was going to send the people that needed it the most (imagine that)  The first night she told her story and I think I sat there with my mouth open the whole entire time.  Her story was very close to home and there she was ministering to us!  She told us that the theme of the group was how God uses our past as our ministry.  In the SHORT period of time that we had together God used that group to show me that just because I had messed up didn’t mean that I was useless.  He KNEW what I did before I did it and He STILL wanted me.  Because of God ministering through that group and the church I now have a new mindset.  I know that God has restored my purity and He has a plan for my life in spite of my past.  I now have a PASSION for him and for ministering to young girls that face the same things I faced.  We are responsible to the generations behind us and it is time we STEP UP and lead.

I know God loves me and I know the man God has for me will see me as Beautiful not scarred from my past.  I believe that God is about to start something in my life and I am GRATEFUL that He has given me the opportunity to go back to school for ministry so that I can do what He has called me to do!

He will do the same for you!  Guard your heart!  Don’t compromise your values for anyone!  In the end – the aftermath of adultery on God and your (future) spouse IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No guy deserves you if he is going to force or pressure you to do anything!

Tips for avoiding the Mess:
*Turn off ANYTHING that makes you even think about acts of adultery  (the reality shows, the movies, the music, whatever causes you to start the drift)
*Get something (a ring, tattoo, etc) to remind you that you are committed to purity until your Daddy sends you the man He wants for you - Guys like Tim Tebow DO exist!  =)
* PRAY!!!  For your future husband every single day! (Go here )
*Get involved at church and serve your little buns off!
*Find a young girl and mentor her and be mentored yourself!

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